October 30, 2008

How it all went down. Our referral story...

I still can't believe that I am even writing this. Technically, our referral story started exactly one week ago today: Thursday.

It had been an exceptionally down day in terms of how I was feeling about our adoption. That day on yahoo there were lots of people feeling the same way and people were talking about how referrals will now start taking 6-8 months. I decided to just turn off the message board a bit earlier that day. We hadn't seen a referral since mid August and I was feeling like it may never happen.

I got home and in my email inbox are two emails with extremely BOLD AND CAPITAL LETTERING from Dianne and Jenny asking me if I was freaking out over the referral that had just been posted. I immediately started shaking and saw that it was for a couple who don't normally post but who had their dossier arrive the exact same week as us in Ethiopia with the same request. I was so excited at the thought that referrals were starting up again (they always come in waves) but didn't want to get too excited either.

A few minutes later I checked my voicemail and got a message from our adoption agency that was sent at lunch! LUNCH! It was the person who would call if we had a referral but her message sounded so nonchalant and I knew that no one tried calling me at work so it couldn't be anything. I checked with my husband if he had any calls that day and he didn't either so I figured it was something annoying like, "Your paperwork has expired and you need to get another medical exam done." I honestly didn't feel too excited that we would be getting our referral because I always imagined our caseworker calling at home, and then at my work. I even considered emailing her a few weeks ago just to make sure she had all our correct numbers but thought that would be obnoxious considering I KNEW they had ALL our phone numbers. Hm... note to self: don't assume anything! Our agency was now closed since it was after five and I would have to wait for the next day to call her back at 9 am.

Well, as the night continued I became more and more and more consumed with the thought that we could be getting our referral the next day. I just had this feeling and my husband who never gets "this feeling" told me that just that day he thought that we would be getting our referral and trust me, he has NEVER spoken like this throughout our entire adoption. I on the other hand have "feelings" that this could be the day every other week or so. So Mike continued calling me mom and telling me that tomorrow was the day we would see our son's face and that he was totally confident in this!

Inside I think I knew it too.

(sorry this is really long....)

The next morning I seriously felt sick to my stomach. My first class started at 9:25am and I hadn't made up the vocab quiz yet. I got into my office at 8:45 and made up the quiz as fast as I could (4 minutes........oh yeah!!!!). I then had to photo-copy some midterm reports for student files and I remember the entire time feeling like I was on another planet just floating around the office. It was almost nine and my stomach had so many knots to it I had to visit the washroom!!! When I got back in my office I seriously just stared at my phone and I honestly did not want to phone the agency. I considered not doing it. The idea of NOT getting our referral and hearing some annoying news about re-doing paperwork was just too much. I didn't know how I could get through the day or weekend if I heard that it wasn't our referral.

I had prayed to get our referral before Mike's birthday in September and it didn't happen, before thanksiving and it didn't happen, and this was the Friday before my birthday on Moday and we all know most referrals come in on Fridays, right ladies? I checked my email again and got one sentence from Dianne saying "praying for you my friend". I had emailed her the night before telling her what was going on. With new found courage I picked up the phone to call them.

And then it just happened. She just said it, she just told me that the reason she had called was because she had a referral for us. A baby boy. I was in such shock at first and I think I sounded so calm, but when she told me his name it all became so real and I started crying and couldn't talk. She was so sweet.... she just kept talking for me and telling me random details about him since she knew I couldn't speak yet! Hearing his name felt so real. That this was a soul, a life, a baby boy that some how we have been chosen to raise. He has a name. Samuel. Meseret. I told her I wanted to be with Mike to open all the pictures and documents so I said I'd phone her back later that day. I hung up the phone and a few seconds later Mike was phoning me to see if it really was the good news he thought it would be and I got to tell him it was. Of course, by now my class was starting and I have a practicum student who put so much work into his lesson so there was no way I could bail out and not give him feedback. So off I went to two one hour fifteen classes. Luckily they were really good lessons but time still went by very very slowly. I got out of class and waited for Mike to pick me up and we drove home and sat in front of the computer.... and looked at our son.

Honestly, seeing his face for the first time was so surreal. It felt like we were looking at someone else's referral pictures. I was almost thinking, "Emily, why aren't you freaking out right now? This is your baby" But it was just too crazy. It took a bit to sink in, but it feels more and more real every day.

That night Mike had already planned to take me out for dinner for my birthday but it turns out he had a whole other surprise already planned for me knowing that if we didn't have our referral by then it would be good to get away. So we did, Mike took me to this beautiful remote B&B on Harrison River. It ended up being the perfect way to celebrate getting our referral! We drank lots of wine, relaxed, ate amazing food, and got to take it all in somewhere so peaceful.

I can't WAIT till Samuel is in our arms in a picture like this. Just looking at this photo of us now and it feels like he is missing!

October 26, 2008

We have a baby boy!

On Friday October 24th we received our referral for Samuel Meseret.

The meaning of the name Samuel is "asked or prayed for" "requested of God". We will probably keep this as his middle name, but we think it is just perfect. I feel like I have been praying for this to happen for so long and I can't believe that he is finally here. He is so tiny and very very adorable : )

His birth date is August 26th and he weighed 7 lbs. 2oz at his 15 day appointment with the doctor.

I still can't believe that he is our son. When we looked at the photos for the first time on Friday afternoon we were in total shock... as you can see from my face below!

Already though I feel more and more in love with this little guy. We got the photos developed today and they are already up in our house and it is finally starting to feel real. Sorry but I can't post them here until we pass court which is in 2-3 months!!! Please pray that we have a successful and fast court date!

More details of the entire referral story to come later.... I'm still spinning so I think I will wait.

(Grandma & Grandpa K seeing our sweet boy for the first time)

thanks for all the love and support! And congrats to Alicia who won the guessing game!!! Of course, waiting till Thursday to guess kinda helped ; )

em & mike

ps: congrats to Nicky on her referral of twin girls!!! I so hope we can travel together!

October 20, 2008

Guess when!

Okay, so this wait is really starting to drag on and on and on. It is becoming excruciatingly frustrating and tiring so I have decided that we are going to do something fun to help pass the time! I had seen these little guessing games on people's blogs before and never thought I would do one but now I think it is a perfect way to make this wait slightly more bearable!!!

SO..... whoever can guess the date we get our referral will receive a gift from me in the mail! I'm not sure what that gift will be yet but trust me it will be worth it : ) Okay, so leave your predictions below (even if you don't normally comment, come on... I know you are out there!)

October 17, 2008

7 months...

When we started our wait for referral we NEVER thought we would still be waiting at the 7 month point. So much for "3-6 months" or "a few more weeks for paperwork". I guess I will just try to wait since, well, there's not exactly anything else I can do.

I couldn't find any cool pictures of the number seven.... I thought of posting an image of the seven deadly sins but it was a bit too dark... so I went for something more happy (even though that's not exactly how I'm feeling lately):

The Seven Wonders of the World:

October 14, 2008

some music to pass the time...

"World on Fire" by Sarah McLachlan

While searching for some good ol' U2 classics I came across this interview from 1982 of Bono discussing the meaning behind the song "October." Of course I have to love this song because it is my birthday month and pretty much the best month of the year. But, this interview just further confirms my love for Bono and the fact that I think he might possibly be a saint. His words are quite prophetic actually. It doesn't have the best recording of the actual song, but if you are a true fan I'm sure you'll have the CD somewhere.

October 9, 2008

6 months 22 days

Why do I have this feeling that we won't be getting our referral any time soon???
I think we will be lucky if we get it by Christmas. Maybe this is a natural way to feel when you get to the end of your wait.... as if it will never actually happen. Right now, our baby feels SO far away. My caseworker said that they are still waiting on paperwork before they can make referrals. I am getting really tired of this and would rather I got an email saying don't expect a referral until the 8 month point. I hope her "in a few weeks" estimate is somewhat accurate or I may just lose my mind. Oh and please don't ask me if we've gotten our referral yet. If we do, you will know. Trust me.

To pass the time I signed up for an online course on attachement. Our agency is reccomending it to all their clients (Adoption Learning Partners). I'll let you know what I think of it when I get to the end. It's cheaper than registering for a seminar, but I'm not sure if it will be as useful.