this year's word.
To be honest it is hard for me to see that it has been just over a year since my dear Holly was born (December 29th) and yet I am still deep in the thick of recovery or perhaps accepting this new level of back pain. Well, i'm not quite ready to accept it actually... so instead I am busy with going to all of my health practitioners in the hopes to be in less pain.
that is my goal. every single day. to be in less pain. ugh. some days it works, some days it doesn't.
If you were to flip through my pocket calendar at a glance you would see a bunch of words like "physio, chiro, massage, physio..." i have literally spent thousands of dollars on this throughout this year (we don't have a health plan but it is worth it). and honestly I feel like adding more words.... like, "naturopath, chinese doctor, counselling, gym" lol.
I don't say this to bring on pity.... i'm just reflecting on my life!!! and this is it.
This new years was an improvement.... last new years i was recovering from my c-section with horrible nerve pain in the hospital. This year I was at home with my wonderful family of four! I am thankful for this.
But in the last few months I have found myself having a hard time at all the big days. Like any sort of holiday where I can remember how i was doing the following year. I try to be thankful that I am somewhat stronger.... not on as strong of drugs.... but inside I feel depressed that I am still on drugs and that I am still in more daily pain that I was ever used to prior to having Holly. And new pain... oh the new pain : (
Some of my friends and dear family members understand chronic pain and have been such a great support and encouragement to me throughout this year. I am SO thankful for them and all of their help. I honestly don't know how I would have survived this year. I'm not sure how our marriage even survived this year!
At Holly's birthday party I truly felt like it was a day to celebrate that I had survived the year. Like I should be throwing a party for my sister and all her heroic efforts that got me through this year! I have no idea what I would do with out her.
So I hear the trend is to pick a word to summarize up your hope for the new year. I decided to pick the word "well". I want to be well. Not necessarily healthy (although yes I want that), but emotionally, physically, and spiritually healthy. I think the word well captures all of that.
"It is well... in my soul."
I hope that this year means more sleep, more joy, and the ability and time to start working out again. Not just physio, but actually working out. I miss that.
I hope for wellness for all of you lovely readers too.
So, if you were to pick a word for this year what would it be?