this year's word.
So it is a new year. 2012. I suppose I should have done this post on the 1st of January but it has taken me until the 16th to have a moment... hopefully you don't mind!
To be honest it is hard for me to see that it has been just over a year since my dear Holly was born (December 29th) and yet I am still deep in the thick of recovery or perhaps accepting this new level of back pain. Well, i'm not quite ready to accept it actually... so instead I am busy with going to all of my health practitioners in the hopes to be in less pain.
that is my goal. every single day. to be in less pain. ugh. some days it works, some days it doesn't.
If you were to flip through my pocket calendar at a glance you would see a bunch of words like "physio, chiro, massage, physio..." i have literally spent thousands of dollars on this throughout this year (we don't have a health plan but it is worth it). and honestly I feel like adding more words.... like, "naturopath, chinese doctor, counselling, gym" lol.
I don't say this to bring on pity.... i'm just reflecting on my life!!! and this is it.
This new years was an improvement.... last new years i was recovering from my c-section with horrible nerve pain in the hospital. This year I was at home with my wonderful family of four! I am thankful for this.
But in the last few months I have found myself having a hard time at all the big days. Like any sort of holiday where I can remember how i was doing the following year. I try to be thankful that I am somewhat stronger.... not on as strong of drugs.... but inside I feel depressed that I am still on drugs and that I am still in more daily pain that I was ever used to prior to having Holly. And new pain... oh the new pain : (
Some of my friends and dear family members understand chronic pain and have been such a great support and encouragement to me throughout this year. I am SO thankful for them and all of their help. I honestly don't know how I would have survived this year. I'm not sure how our marriage even survived this year!
At Holly's birthday party I truly felt like it was a day to celebrate that I had survived the year. Like I should be throwing a party for my sister and all her heroic efforts that got me through this year! I have no idea what I would do with out her.
So I hear the trend is to pick a word to summarize up your hope for the new year. I decided to pick the word "well". I want to be well. Not necessarily healthy (although yes I want that), but emotionally, physically, and spiritually healthy. I think the word well captures all of that.
"It is well... in my soul."
I hope that this year means more sleep, more joy, and the ability and time to start working out again. Not just physio, but actually working out. I miss that.
I hope for wellness for all of you lovely readers too.
So, if you were to pick a word for this year what would it be?
To be honest it is hard for me to see that it has been just over a year since my dear Holly was born (December 29th) and yet I am still deep in the thick of recovery or perhaps accepting this new level of back pain. Well, i'm not quite ready to accept it actually... so instead I am busy with going to all of my health practitioners in the hopes to be in less pain.
that is my goal. every single day. to be in less pain. ugh. some days it works, some days it doesn't.
If you were to flip through my pocket calendar at a glance you would see a bunch of words like "physio, chiro, massage, physio..." i have literally spent thousands of dollars on this throughout this year (we don't have a health plan but it is worth it). and honestly I feel like adding more words.... like, "naturopath, chinese doctor, counselling, gym" lol.
I don't say this to bring on pity.... i'm just reflecting on my life!!! and this is it.
This new years was an improvement.... last new years i was recovering from my c-section with horrible nerve pain in the hospital. This year I was at home with my wonderful family of four! I am thankful for this.
But in the last few months I have found myself having a hard time at all the big days. Like any sort of holiday where I can remember how i was doing the following year. I try to be thankful that I am somewhat stronger.... not on as strong of drugs.... but inside I feel depressed that I am still on drugs and that I am still in more daily pain that I was ever used to prior to having Holly. And new pain... oh the new pain : (
Some of my friends and dear family members understand chronic pain and have been such a great support and encouragement to me throughout this year. I am SO thankful for them and all of their help. I honestly don't know how I would have survived this year. I'm not sure how our marriage even survived this year!
At Holly's birthday party I truly felt like it was a day to celebrate that I had survived the year. Like I should be throwing a party for my sister and all her heroic efforts that got me through this year! I have no idea what I would do with out her.
So I hear the trend is to pick a word to summarize up your hope for the new year. I decided to pick the word "well". I want to be well. Not necessarily healthy (although yes I want that), but emotionally, physically, and spiritually healthy. I think the word well captures all of that.
"It is well... in my soul."
I hope that this year means more sleep, more joy, and the ability and time to start working out again. Not just physio, but actually working out. I miss that.
I hope for wellness for all of you lovely readers too.
So, if you were to pick a word for this year what would it be?
posted by emily at
1:21 PM
7 Comments:
vulnerable.
because everything good in life requires a willingness to experience this.
oh snookie, this post made me cry......for so many reasons, and I know that you know. On Holly's birthday I was so overcome with emotion. I know what went into carrying that baby, giving birth to her, and living through this last year. I look back at pictures of you from last year and I just weep. They are so beautiful, YOU are so beautiful, even amidst this pain. I don't feel like a help to you at all, but rather I make your life harder in so many ways.....
but I am so grateful for you in my life, for someone that really "gets it"
I want you to be well. Whatever that looks like.
Love you.
I get your pain, granted only in the last year could I even really relate to it mentally/emotionally-- if you ask my kids, which makes me sad they even feel this way, but they would tell you that since i broke my arm I am cranky, I am always too tired and I am no fun. Not exactly what I imagined they would think of me when I had them.
I don't know how you manage, I hope you know that your kids WILL be better people because of your struggles; they will have empathy, compassion and a better sense of others-- i know that.
This has been a long year Em, for you (for me), for your family, I honestly can say this much-- I hope for my own selfish reasons it gets better- whatever that is.
As for my "resolution" it is to allow "me" to put "me" first.
so as a proverb would probably say "stuggle brings strength etc"; I really want to say, chronic pain sucks-- no one gets it unless they live it, no one can truly understand how it can be okay one minute and complete havoc the next, or how something you did yesterday is completely unattainable today;
Okay I may have ranted but it is frustrating, I can feel it in your posts and I understand-- so big hug to you and your kids (katie too)
Em, you are the strongest woman I know. I'll never understand how you are able to make it through each and every day in constant pain, never mind doing an amazing job parenting 2 kids. You are a wonderful mother, wife and friend. If anyone deserves to be "well", it's you my dear friend. Love you! xoxo
Okay, how did I not know you have a blog??
Well. I hope that will be you this year...well. And beyond that? Thriving. I hope you get to thrive. That's my wish for you.
Thank you for sharing this. I'm sure it wasn't easy to be vulnerable about this. Take care, you.
'Balance' is my one word.... I think with out this in all areas of our life things can get messy very fast.
If I could pick one word for you Em I would pick 'survivor' and if you were here with me right now I would start belting out Destiny's Child because I think this should be your personal anthem ".... I'm a survivor I'm not gonna give up, I'm a survivor keep on surviving!"
Your strength has definitely been tested in many different areas of your life and you fight for what you want. That is admirable.
xo ~ Jill
Vibrant
Sorry it has taken me so long to find this post.
{{hugs}}
If you ever want to chat, you know I will understand. It took me 5 years to finally find things to help me find relief.
It is constant, daily work, but life is better for me now.
Pain made me a shell of my former self, so now I want to be vibrant again!
I hope you are well.
S
It's been awhile since you posted and I just wanted to check in and see how you are. How is your pain level?
It's a huge accomplishment that you have gotten through that first year and you keep pushing through!
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