Confession Friday
I confess that Holly went to bed in a dress and tights the other night. By the time I realized at midnight I didn't care to change her. Plus it was kinda cute seeing her all dressed up in the morning.
I confess that I never was a morning person but I think it is safe to say that I absolutely detest them now. Pain is always worse in the morning, I don't enjoy breakfast food, and I often feel really overwhelmed.
I confess that I don't enjoy eating with my toddler. I feel bad, but it's the truth.
I confess that at my last midwife appointment we both realized that I have PPD. I wasn't going to post about it here but after reading Rana and Tova's post this past week I realize that it is good to be honest. Plus that's what I want these confessionals to be about. After seeing my GP this week he immediately recommended I go on an anti-depressant and some stronger drugs for my back pain (this is most likely a huge contributor to feeling depressed). It'll take awhile to be in full effect and so far I just feel all the negative side affects so I can't say I'm feeling any better.
I confess that I lied to my midwife at all my follow ups on how I was doing. After crying the entire way there they would ask me how I was and I would smile and say "good". This is very silly. Don't ever do this if you are in this situation. Then I would cry the whole way home and continue telling myself that I will feel better. But Holly's two months and I'm still on a crazy emotional roller coaster.
I confess that I hide lots of type A friends on facebook. You know the one's that go on and on about how much they can accomplish in a day all the while taking care of their amazing children? I know it's my own issue, but I can't handle hearing how amazing people are right now when I can barely have the strength or energy to do the dishes. Speaking of facebook, I really don't think I should use it anymore. I'm just so addicted I don't know how I will stop.
I confess that I never was a morning person but I think it is safe to say that I absolutely detest them now. Pain is always worse in the morning, I don't enjoy breakfast food, and I often feel really overwhelmed.
I confess that I don't enjoy eating with my toddler. I feel bad, but it's the truth.
I confess that at my last midwife appointment we both realized that I have PPD. I wasn't going to post about it here but after reading Rana and Tova's post this past week I realize that it is good to be honest. Plus that's what I want these confessionals to be about. After seeing my GP this week he immediately recommended I go on an anti-depressant and some stronger drugs for my back pain (this is most likely a huge contributor to feeling depressed). It'll take awhile to be in full effect and so far I just feel all the negative side affects so I can't say I'm feeling any better.
I confess that I lied to my midwife at all my follow ups on how I was doing. After crying the entire way there they would ask me how I was and I would smile and say "good". This is very silly. Don't ever do this if you are in this situation. Then I would cry the whole way home and continue telling myself that I will feel better. But Holly's two months and I'm still on a crazy emotional roller coaster.
I confess that I hide lots of type A friends on facebook. You know the one's that go on and on about how much they can accomplish in a day all the while taking care of their amazing children? I know it's my own issue, but I can't handle hearing how amazing people are right now when I can barely have the strength or energy to do the dishes. Speaking of facebook, I really don't think I should use it anymore. I'm just so addicted I don't know how I will stop.
posted by emily at
12:05 AM
8 Comments:
Big hugs, hoping you can find a group or someone to chat with to make your days go a little easier.
And tights and a dress to sleep in...hello cuteness!
((HUGS)) And I'm glad you're getting the help you need. Hope the meds kick in soon, and you start to find your old self again. Life sure does know how to kick us when we're down sometimes.
Personally, I think all those so-called "type A's" are lying. So maybe if you accidentally read one of those statuses, you can just feel all superior.
And Hana sleeps in her clothes sometimes too, but I can't blame forgetting, though. It's just a desire to keep the peace, if she's already fallen asleep. The house is just so QUIET then.
Glad that you confessed about how you have been feeling. Sometimes it makes it better to talk about it. Hope that you feel better soon and that you can find people to talk to and support you. Vent anytime you need to!
Carolyn
Emily,
I joined a Post Depression Support group (they offer child care) and it has been so good to go share and talk with other women who are experiencing the same emotions. See if there is something in your area...it really helps me - I have been going for 2 weeks now.
And ya, I agree with Dianne, the "A" types are lying ;)
Feel free to email me anytime!
Emily that takes courage to come out and be so honest with what you are going through. I am thinking of you and know you will get through this stage. Breaking the silence is often the first step to healing so I am glad you have shared how you feel with those who care a lot for you. Love you! Jill xoxo
I'm so glad you have finally asked for help and sad that you had to suffer for two months first. I hope you are able to slowly start feeling like yourself again. Thank you for being honest though. It will help a lot of people.
I'm sorry to hear that you're having a hard time, but glad you are talking about it - it's so important to be honest, and I know it helps me to know I'm not the only one who feels/does/whatever.
I found parenting a newborn really challenging, so I can just imagine how overwhelming and exhausting it must be to have a little one and a toddler! have you thought about investing in a service to make life easier for a little while? We had groceries delivered when until Owen was about 6 months old, and it was a lifesaver! and we still use a diaper service - another lifesaver.
Type A people have help. :) or they gloss over the details of the things they didn't get done. :)
Yay! Not to how you feel, but to getting help. If your drugs make you feel worse for too long, switch. I tired one antidepressant that was so bad I had to take Ativan to manage it. So not worth it to feel crazier on the meds than off.
Also, Type A's always have help or support, or they literally don't sleep.
All you have to do right now is breath and survive. That's it! The rest can be dealt with later.
Hugs,
T
PS. My kids go to bed in their clothes, or underwear, all the time. PJ's? What are PJ's?
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