An actual post with writing in it.
I haven't "written" a post in awhile. But lately I've been reading the book "Mother Zen: Walking the Crooked Path of Motherhood" by Karen Maezen Miller and it has inspired me to write again. I really like not only what she has to say but how she says it. It's so nice to read a book from someone who just gets it too. A mother who doesn't pretend to have everything together, but who delves into the struggles of motherhood and writes entire chapters on things like "fatigue" and learning to give up your ego.
Anyways, it has got me thinking about how I feel like I have changed so much since becoming a mother. Yes, the cliches are true: you never know how much you can love someone until you become a parent. But also, I have changed in that my identity feels so completely different now. I used to feel so proud to tell people where I worked. I LOVED my job and bawled my eyes out when I drove home on my last day. But now, I have found something much more fulfilling and yet at times I will honestly say it isn't all that satisfying (not sure if that is the right work, i've changed it about 10 times). It's hard work. There isn't a lot of glory.
I used to feel like I acomplished so much in a day. I had binders that were organized, a check-list at my desk where I actually ticked things off. Feedback from students that made me feel like I knew what I was doing! Days where I literally felt amazing after I gave what I thought was a "wicked awesome lesson". Now, I'm proud of myself if I actually managed to do some laundry and sweep the floor. I feel like I have actually become less organized and less productive since becoming a mom. Does this make any sense??? Or am I the only one that feels this way. But of course, the love I receive from Moses does fulfill me and I truly feel honoured to be his mom.... I'm just trying to be honest here as well.
And I've gotten used to answering the question, "so are you back at work now?" or "What do you do for work?" And I've become quite happy and confident in telling people that I've chosen not to go back and to be a stay at home mom for as long as possible. (Well, for the most part I'm confident.... it bugs me that I still feel the need to defend this with "I also help with the paperwork for my husband's business" as if that makes my new job more worthy).
I think the most annoying response to this actually came from another mother who asked me, "well, what do you do all day?" Well... let's see.... did you raise your kids? Do you have any memory of what that was like? Do you really want me to tell you?
But really, I'm just so thankful that I have the financial ability to stay at home right now, so I can put up with the weird comments I've received from some people. I just don't want to miss out on anything in Mosey's life, and my husband and I would rather have less money than have someone else spend the days with him.
Wow, I'm really rambling. I was going to write funny sentences like, "You know you're a mother when...."
But perhaps this post will be of interest to someone.
Anyways, it has got me thinking about how I feel like I have changed so much since becoming a mother. Yes, the cliches are true: you never know how much you can love someone until you become a parent. But also, I have changed in that my identity feels so completely different now. I used to feel so proud to tell people where I worked. I LOVED my job and bawled my eyes out when I drove home on my last day. But now, I have found something much more fulfilling and yet at times I will honestly say it isn't all that satisfying (not sure if that is the right work, i've changed it about 10 times). It's hard work. There isn't a lot of glory.
I used to feel like I acomplished so much in a day. I had binders that were organized, a check-list at my desk where I actually ticked things off. Feedback from students that made me feel like I knew what I was doing! Days where I literally felt amazing after I gave what I thought was a "wicked awesome lesson". Now, I'm proud of myself if I actually managed to do some laundry and sweep the floor. I feel like I have actually become less organized and less productive since becoming a mom. Does this make any sense??? Or am I the only one that feels this way. But of course, the love I receive from Moses does fulfill me and I truly feel honoured to be his mom.... I'm just trying to be honest here as well.
And I've gotten used to answering the question, "so are you back at work now?" or "What do you do for work?" And I've become quite happy and confident in telling people that I've chosen not to go back and to be a stay at home mom for as long as possible. (Well, for the most part I'm confident.... it bugs me that I still feel the need to defend this with "I also help with the paperwork for my husband's business" as if that makes my new job more worthy).
I think the most annoying response to this actually came from another mother who asked me, "well, what do you do all day?" Well... let's see.... did you raise your kids? Do you have any memory of what that was like? Do you really want me to tell you?
But really, I'm just so thankful that I have the financial ability to stay at home right now, so I can put up with the weird comments I've received from some people. I just don't want to miss out on anything in Mosey's life, and my husband and I would rather have less money than have someone else spend the days with him.
Wow, I'm really rambling. I was going to write funny sentences like, "You know you're a mother when...."
But perhaps this post will be of interest to someone.
18 Comments:
Emily, your honest sentiment resonates with me completely. Absolutely. May y'all get over the nasty that has taken ahold of your home. :) Love Erin L.
I love this post. I too have decided to stay at home as long as possible, and some days ARE.NOT.easy,but when I'm putting Xavier to bed at night and he puts his little arm around my neck and pulls me in for a hug it makes it all worth it!
Lorie
Thanks for posting, Emily! I have missed you :)
I wish I could stay home, too. Sometimes I get very sad when I am wiping the noses of kids at school and drying their tears, and I know someone else is doing it for Jackson at my house :( I am thankful that he is starting full day K in September and I will get to see him at school, but I know exactly how you feel. Stay home as long as you want to. Moses will have amazing memories of the time you spend together as he grows up!
Claire
I'm with you Emily! And I working as well, but I am WAY less productive since becoming a mom, even at work, because my head is still filled with Jude. And the days when I'm home with him I get nothing done!!! I cherish those days but some days like yesterday, I called Ben crying cause I was just out of patience. Thanks for your honesty! We need each others honesty I think:)
I'm soooooooo glad you're enjoying the book! And I really want to know who asked you that question about what you do all day, lol!!!! That's so crazy; some people don't have a clue! You are a great mom :)
And I hear you with the difficulties and challenges, and the lack of glory......"work" is soooooo easy in comparison! And you get paid for it too!
Great Post Emily... I feel exactly the same way you do. I'll be starting another year of leave from the school board in Sept. and it is definitely the right choice for me.
Oh my goodness!!! I have not been blogging lately because I have been feeling exactly like this! Ok, now I am inspired to write again. :)
Good for you girl! Go with your gut and what works for your family. I wish I could stay home more, but alas it's not in the cards for a while.
Enjoy!
Good post Em! It's all hard no matter how you look at it. Being a stay at home mom, hard. Trying to be a good teacher part time while a full-time mom, hard. But I figure even if it seems we get nothing done in a day, we're raising happy children, so that's definitely something! Now I wonder how to do this with 2 ...
I never thought I'd be happy being a stay at home mom. But it really was an easy choice when the time came to decide, and I feel so blessed to be able to do it! Financially poor, unproductive, covered in who knows what Livi just smeared on me, happy! Thanks for posting :) I can relate :)
I can think of a MILLION things I would LOVE (and some not love so much) to do during the day if I stayed home. I admire mom's that work out of the home - truly believe it is the toughest job on earth.
L
Great post, Emily! What a joy Moses is, I can't wait to share that feeling :)
shirley
Great post, Emily! What a joy Moses is, I can't wait to share that feeling :)
shirley
Emily, what you are doing is the most important job in the world!!
And those fantastic lessons...you are still giving fantastic lessons but now it is to a class of one. Maybe Moses doesn't express it in words, but look at how much he has learned in his short life and think about how much you were instrumental in that, by God's grace.
Money can buy things, but it can't buy happiness or love. Those are gifts from God.
Hugs to you, and keep up the good work! Aunt Rose
I think I should pick up that book.
I agree with your more disorganized feeling, Emily. It's annoying - but then our kids are happier because we are devoting our time to them instead of doing 'things,' so I think we're doing it right!
I can totally relate to just about everything you said in this post! I almost thought you were writing about me! I've been asked too "What do you DO all day?". I was asked this by an ex-coworker who has no kids. They have no idea. I found the switch from working full time to staying at home full time pretty hard. I loved it, yet the adjustment was way harder than I expected. The pace is completely different.
It's such an oxymoron. This staying at home thing. In some ways it is the hardest thing I have ever done. It is a test of endurance and many other things. It is brain numbingly boring some days. It's lonely. And it can wear you down something fierce.
And then there's the flip side. The freedom to play with your kids, go and do fun things with them, the rewards of having so much time with them. The conversations, seeing all the firsts, etc.
I waffle between loving and hating this time in my life.
The good and bad news is that it's going quickly.
I needed to read this today. Yesterday, I devoted the whole day to trying to get caught up around the house and by the end of it, it seemed like the house actually looked worse and the laundry pile was higher than when I started. I felt so discouraged and overwhlemed. It's good to be reminded that I am not the only one who feels this way.
(I had a tiny chuckle at the part where you add that you do the books for your husband's company...I often add that I occasionally still teach adoption classes just to make me feel more legitimate even though it hardly counts when it's once a month and what I actually do is parent every day!)
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home