FAQ #2...
A. “So will you have him home by Christmas?”
B. “When will you bring him home?”
C. “Do you have to go to Ethiopia to get him?”
Mike and I have been asked these questions a lot lately and I don’t think I’ve ever properly addressed it here on my blog so I am finally going to!
First of all, question A is slightly annoying to hear because it brings up the ever-present pain of the fact that NO we won’t have him home for Christmas. If we were we would probably be telling you and be talking about booking flights and how excited we are, etc, etc. So no, we won’t have him home by Christmas. Please ask again in a more open-ended way.
Question B. Yeah! This is a much better way of asking!!!
From the time we received our referral for Samuel we were quoted 4-6 months (Feb-April) for travel. Of course, this is international adoption so we know that nothing is set in stone.
Let me break down what has to happen in order for us to travel in 4-6 months:
First, we must have a successful court date proving that the adoption is legal and ethical. This takes 2-3 months and we just found out that our first court date will be in January (3 months from referral…. already on the long side of things so we are praying it will go through on the first appointment and not require another one weeks later!). This is the most important step and the reason why it takes so long is because everyone in the world who is adopting from Ethiopia goes through the same courthouse in Addis and the same judge (that I know of). So yeah, it’s a slow process. But I respect it and the way Ethiopia desires to make sure each child is placed in a loving home and that each adoption is completely ethical in every way. If there is a grandma or relative for Samuel that decides she wants to raise him, then she will have the opportunity to come to court and claim him as her child. Although this will be extremely heart breaking for us, we know that it is in the best interest of the child: to be with family. Adoption is not about finding a baby for a waiting couple; it is about finding a family for a child.
During the wait for court we are also waiting for our “request for medical” to be issued (immigration medical exam), completed and sent to our agency. This should happen within the wait for court. If not, then we must continue to wait for this medical to be completed after court.
After court and medical, our documents will finally be sent to Nairobi, Kenya where the Canadian High Commission office will issue the visa. This begins the immigration process so that Samuel will be allowed into Canada. We are going to be bringing him into Canada through a process called PRV: the lovely Permanent Resident Visa. Part of this also means waiting for Samuel’s passport and birth certificate to be printed. As you can tell there is a lot of waiting involved. The estimated wait for this is anywhere from 6 to the dreaded 16 weeks. It’s really hard to say. We know families that have had their documents done in 3 weeks and their visa in 3 more. But there are also heart-breaking stories of families waiting 12 weeks for their visa. We are praying that we won’t be one of them but know that sometimes things just don’t go as you hope or pray. I have a wee bit less patience with this side of the wait (versus the wait for court) because it is the Canadian government that is taking their sweet time to let us bring our babe home! I seriously get so angry when I read on American blogs how families after court travel within 3 WEEKS!!!! It’s just not fair!!! But of course we know it will be worth it. And we’ve heard that once you pick up your child all of this waiting disappears…. I’ll let you know if that happens.
As for question C, yes we will go to Ethiopia to bring him home but we don’t see it as “have to” we see it as “get to”. We are beyond excited to travel to Ethiopia and consider it a great privilege and honour to spend time there.
And just so you know, we love your questions. I think it is just like a pregnant women who gets constantly asked about her due date. Sometimes it is great, and some days it is frustrating if you ask it in a way that looks like you think she is way too big or way too small for how far along she says she is. I know tons of pregnant women that become upset when people make “assumptions” and I think that is how I feel about our adoption too. Please don’t assume, just ask. And save your comments of “well I know a couple who waited 3 years to bring their child home and then the country shut down” or “I know someone whose adopted child ended up burning their house down” for when you are at home and not talking to an adoptive parent. We’ve heard the horror stories and we don’t care. I could tell you a million horror stories about giving birth but I wouldn’t do that to you.
B. “When will you bring him home?”
C. “Do you have to go to Ethiopia to get him?”
Mike and I have been asked these questions a lot lately and I don’t think I’ve ever properly addressed it here on my blog so I am finally going to!
First of all, question A is slightly annoying to hear because it brings up the ever-present pain of the fact that NO we won’t have him home for Christmas. If we were we would probably be telling you and be talking about booking flights and how excited we are, etc, etc. So no, we won’t have him home by Christmas. Please ask again in a more open-ended way.
Question B. Yeah! This is a much better way of asking!!!
From the time we received our referral for Samuel we were quoted 4-6 months (Feb-April) for travel. Of course, this is international adoption so we know that nothing is set in stone.
Let me break down what has to happen in order for us to travel in 4-6 months:
First, we must have a successful court date proving that the adoption is legal and ethical. This takes 2-3 months and we just found out that our first court date will be in January (3 months from referral…. already on the long side of things so we are praying it will go through on the first appointment and not require another one weeks later!). This is the most important step and the reason why it takes so long is because everyone in the world who is adopting from Ethiopia goes through the same courthouse in Addis and the same judge (that I know of). So yeah, it’s a slow process. But I respect it and the way Ethiopia desires to make sure each child is placed in a loving home and that each adoption is completely ethical in every way. If there is a grandma or relative for Samuel that decides she wants to raise him, then she will have the opportunity to come to court and claim him as her child. Although this will be extremely heart breaking for us, we know that it is in the best interest of the child: to be with family. Adoption is not about finding a baby for a waiting couple; it is about finding a family for a child.
During the wait for court we are also waiting for our “request for medical” to be issued (immigration medical exam), completed and sent to our agency. This should happen within the wait for court. If not, then we must continue to wait for this medical to be completed after court.
After court and medical, our documents will finally be sent to Nairobi, Kenya where the Canadian High Commission office will issue the visa. This begins the immigration process so that Samuel will be allowed into Canada. We are going to be bringing him into Canada through a process called PRV: the lovely Permanent Resident Visa. Part of this also means waiting for Samuel’s passport and birth certificate to be printed. As you can tell there is a lot of waiting involved. The estimated wait for this is anywhere from 6 to the dreaded 16 weeks. It’s really hard to say. We know families that have had their documents done in 3 weeks and their visa in 3 more. But there are also heart-breaking stories of families waiting 12 weeks for their visa. We are praying that we won’t be one of them but know that sometimes things just don’t go as you hope or pray. I have a wee bit less patience with this side of the wait (versus the wait for court) because it is the Canadian government that is taking their sweet time to let us bring our babe home! I seriously get so angry when I read on American blogs how families after court travel within 3 WEEKS!!!! It’s just not fair!!! But of course we know it will be worth it. And we’ve heard that once you pick up your child all of this waiting disappears…. I’ll let you know if that happens.
As for question C, yes we will go to Ethiopia to bring him home but we don’t see it as “have to” we see it as “get to”. We are beyond excited to travel to Ethiopia and consider it a great privilege and honour to spend time there.
And just so you know, we love your questions. I think it is just like a pregnant women who gets constantly asked about her due date. Sometimes it is great, and some days it is frustrating if you ask it in a way that looks like you think she is way too big or way too small for how far along she says she is. I know tons of pregnant women that become upset when people make “assumptions” and I think that is how I feel about our adoption too. Please don’t assume, just ask. And save your comments of “well I know a couple who waited 3 years to bring their child home and then the country shut down” or “I know someone whose adopted child ended up burning their house down” for when you are at home and not talking to an adoptive parent. We’ve heard the horror stories and we don’t care. I could tell you a million horror stories about giving birth but I wouldn’t do that to you.
posted by emily at
10:57 AM
9 Comments:
Hey Em,
Thanks for sharing so openly. This is a 'sensitive' topic for sure. I appreciate your honesty and straight-forward approach in making people more aware. Your perspective gives everyone out there who isn't an adoptive parent some important things to consider when interacting with someone in your situation.
Instead of asking you endless questions, I will just continue to PRAY :)
Love, Bonnie
You always put it so eloquently. Whenever baby Samuel comes home, he is lucky to have you two as parents :)
(if I have ever offended I apologize immensely) I am just so curious and thrilled and I think going to Ethiopia is the icing on the cake- what an adventure and opportunity. Plus I think it is a way for Samuel to show you a bit of him and his heritage first hand- better understanding and appreciation- although promise me you will find an elephant and take a picture of him/her with you near or on it!
Would it be inappropriate to ask you to smuggle me in your luggage?
Oh Erin, you've could never offend me! Your encouragement to me throughout this process has meant so much :) Maybe this post sounds too negative.... I don't know. I just needed to be honest and say how I am really feeling.
it was not offensive or negative, I was just thinking (and I was far too lazy to read back) hmm, I ask lots of questions, I wondered if I asked any of those, phew, apparently I didn't-
And I am honoured to have been invited to watch and read about your adoption journey- and i think I am pretty lucky because you were such a wonderful person (still are) when I was pregnant with Madeline, really, when I think back to our conversations and you there at the hospital - I smile- it literally meant the world to me- your words of encouragement, your small gestures (that were so big to me) your interest and your concern- to be honest, you were the second best thing from that experience (madeline being the 1st).. xoxox
Well said!!
Here's hoping everything happens as concurrently as possible so that despite your January court date you can get a quick travel date.
Well said, Emily. I keep trying to explain to people that we are only just doing the paperwork etc., but they keep asking us about our daughter and don't quite get it that we don't know her or that she may not even be born yet. It is a difficult process for people to understand. I also get the 'when will you have her' and 'are you going to HAVE to go there' questions. I guess it is to be expected. I usually say 'I have no idea, but we are guessing a year and a half from now, so we won't be disappointed at the length of the process' and 'yes, and we can't wait to visit Africa, as it's been on our list of destinations.'
I am so glad you have little Samuel's pictures to look at. I can't wait to put a face to the love I feel for this child who may or may not even be born yet...so weird!
We received our referral on October 15 for our little Eden and have been asked these questions more times than I can count!!! It does get a little old, quite fast.
It sounds like our court will be in January sometimes too, boo!! But at least this wait is going quicker than the referral wait.
Rhonda
Yo go girl! It is the momma in you coming out and I think it is great your letting people know what you need in terms of support and encouragement over the next coming months!
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