On being shy
there is nothing wrong with being shy
or attached.
In fact, research shows that the more attached a child is to their parent the better off they will be for the rest of their lives. THE REST OF THEIR LIVES PEOPLE. This is big.
I could insert a whole bunch of quotes from attachment researchers to back this up but I'm too lazy. Just go read Gordon Neufeld if you are curious.
But I will say that I am so tired lately of feeling that disapproving look when people see that my daughter won't go to them. Or that she let's us know by crying (very loudly) that she is uncomfortable in a situation.
I am glad she does this. She trusts us enough to let us know.
And if she is shy for years to come, that is great too. Because it is who she is.
If you want to know her you have to work for a relationship.
But it will be worth it, trust me.
Do you have a shy child? How do people treat him or her?
or attached.
In fact, research shows that the more attached a child is to their parent the better off they will be for the rest of their lives. THE REST OF THEIR LIVES PEOPLE. This is big.
I could insert a whole bunch of quotes from attachment researchers to back this up but I'm too lazy. Just go read Gordon Neufeld if you are curious.
But I will say that I am so tired lately of feeling that disapproving look when people see that my daughter won't go to them. Or that she let's us know by crying (very loudly) that she is uncomfortable in a situation.
I am glad she does this. She trusts us enough to let us know.
And if she is shy for years to come, that is great too. Because it is who she is.
If you want to know her you have to work for a relationship.
But it will be worth it, trust me.
Do you have a shy child? How do people treat him or her?
posted by emily at
8:50 PM
4 Comments:
My husband is very shy, but he's absolutely worth working at the relationship and getting to know him as well (and he has a very good relationship with his parents). :) Not putting everything out there for the world to see is not a bad thing - I think it creates supportive, kind and empathetic individuals, who have more than enough confidence and the ability to assert themselves when necessary. :) Don't let other people's opinions get to you - being shy will not make or break anything for her, but as you say, being firmly attached to you guys will have endless benefits to her overall well being. :)
I, on the other hand, have the firmly attached child who is crazy outgoing. He comes by it naturally from his birthmom, but man is he something to behold! As long as mom or dad gives someone the okay, he's totally game to hug them and chat them up about everything under the sun, and even if we don't know people, he is happy to engage them in heavy eye contact and a warm smile. People don't know what to do with a wildly friendly child either... they can uncomfortably (for them, not him) manage the superficial stuff but working to develop a relationship with a child seems to be difficult for many adults to figure out. :)
Hang in there!
I was always shy, I think it's unfair for others to be concerned about whether a child talks to them or not. I agree a relationship worked for with depth and genuine interest is heart warming. I would be more worried of my kids were quick to leave with strangers lol...
Oh sweet Holly! We love you for you! And Em, good for you for embracing your children for exactly who they are. That's really hard to do sometimes. I also think it's hard to balance allowing your child to be who they are but also push them enough to help them grow. Does that make any sense? Parenting is tricky!!!
I'm waiting for your next post :) It's almost been a year EM! hehe
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